No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
