Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
