in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
