"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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