I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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