you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
