In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
