In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
