i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
