so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
