Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
