Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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