A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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