happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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