he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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