Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Boobs are out for the taking
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
