hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
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And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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