We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i've created a new STD.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
