last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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