It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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