I'm really into asian looking animals
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize