and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
