I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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