just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You're earring is so big in my mouth
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
