What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
