one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
