does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
