tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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