Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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