You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
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we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
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You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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