I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
