420 ftw
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
