i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
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Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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