Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
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The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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