hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
