My nipple is on Facebook.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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