I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
