my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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