theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
