I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
