sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize