He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my poor anus
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
