what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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