I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
