Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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