haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
