sarcasm needs its own font
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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