why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
