Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
