Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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