I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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