Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
