hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
