I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
