i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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