omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
