Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
