Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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