Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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