I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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