So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
