I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
