i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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