You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
