I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
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i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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