Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
is it fun? or sober?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
