Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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