I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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