We are two peas in an std pod
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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