a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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