Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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