is your mom at the bar?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
