Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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