Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
