Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
