i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
