Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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