I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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