There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
