he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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